#but also maybe I won't have friends that want to have get togethers in Wisconsin

[nobdoy]

I'm supposed to go to a Christmas get together and it's like 20°F outside and I can hear the wind making it worse and I desperately don't want to have to turn on my car and especially not leave my house 😭

[dannyphantom-rewrite]

Character ref for; Jack, Maddie and Jazz,

Art by @gally-hin / @gally-hin-phantom

Okay so first off; in terms of Actual redesign, I didn't change a whole lot. I'm actually very fond of Jack and Maddie's design's, my only real issue was with their proportions. Like...look as a lady person who is also thiCC I do not have a fucking wasp thin waist and I'm sure I'm not the only one, lmao. As for Jack? Godamnit he looked like a brick on toothpicks. Just Let him be a fucking Bara man! Anyway of course I asked Gally to do this one bc they're fucking great at drawing different body types

I also cannot and will not take credit for Jazz's outfit. I didn't have any issue with her canon clothes aside from them being a bit plain, so what she's wearing here was literally pulled straight off of her original concept art, which I will link here.

Anyway, getting to the Actual character lore now, let's start with

Maddie Fenton

-Full name is Madeline (I haven't decided on a maiden name yet)

-Born and raised on a farm in Arkansas, had a southern accent that she trained herself out of in college bc it was just one more reason for people not to take her seriously. Still sometimes uses "y'all" completely unironically bc old habits die hard.

-She has a really big family, and they're proud of her accomplishments but feel like she's wasting her talent studying ghosts, because really, up until the Fenton portal was up and running there wasn't even any solid proof they existed. Her sister Alicia is the one outlier there, and even if she doesn't understand, it she completely supports her.

-She majored in engineering and minored in psychology at Wisconsin EDU. Her, Jack and Vlad were all in the same engineering class, and that's where they met.

-Maddie is particularly interested in how ghosts think, analysing their behavior, their motives. Not only that, but they aren't just dead people with unfinished business, they've built an entire culture in the Ghost Zone that is completely seperate from humanity, and she wants to understand all of it.

-skilled marksman and 9th degree black belt, (which is. The highest fucking level there is holy shit? I looked it up after I saw it on her wiki page.)

Jack Fenton

-He's from Minnesota (Amity park is in Illinois and him and Maddie didn't move there until after they got married) 

-okay, "but why minnesota specifically" you ask? Because. I crave. Foot ball discourse. 

-minnesota vikings vs green bay packers guys do you UNDERSTAND WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS 

-The funny thing is that Jack only watches football casually while Vlad is a fucking die hard so when these two got together to see a game it was like....

-Jack: Here to chill and have a good time.

-Vlad: Primed and ready to start a fist fight at any given moment.

-I am never not going to be salty about how Canon Jack was portrayed like a complete moron 99% percent of the time. Like no...theres a difference between Actual Stupid and ADHD induced dumbass-ery.

-Am I saying Jack Fenton has ADHD? Yes. why? Because I also have ADHD and I have always vibed So Hard with his Character.

-Jack is loud and easily excited about things that interest him. He's impulsive and fidgety and yeah, a bit absent minded. He has a mouth that clearly runs so much faster than his head. His train of thought doesn't get derailed so much as it stops and takes several different detours on the way to it's final destination.

-and that's only the tip of the iceberg, really, I'd need an entire essay to get into this completely, but I just really relate.

-Jacks skill-set / interests regarding ghosts vary a bit from Maddie's, most notably in the sense that he doesn't believe that they're static entities already set in their ways, completely incapable of change.

-Jack majored in engineering and minored in Biology at Wisconsin EDU.

-Jack's work with tech is a bit hit or miss. He definitely HAS the engineering skills, but the intrest isn't always there and he's constantly jumping back and forth between different projects. He tends to focus on the concept work and schematics and leave most of the assembly to Maddie as a result. It's an arrangement that works well for them, and has drastically decreased the number of unintentional explosions in the lab.

-A lot of Jack's work tends to revolve around ghostly biology and Ectoplasm, figuring out how ghosts are made, what makes them tick, what the hell Ectoplasm Actually Is, how it's used as an energy source, ect.

-and yes, that does also mean he handles the dissections.

-See that facial scar? Yeah, that's not actually there at the start of the series rewrite but it's very important for plot reasons so I had to include it. Can't say much more on the subject because SPOILERs owo.

Jasmine Fenton

-Jazz is a 18 years old, and a senior at Casper high.

-Which means she prepping to go away to college and won't be around to keep an eye on Danny.

-Obviously that doesn't mean I'm just writing her out of the story, oh no. Know why? Because she's also gonna go to Wisconsin EDU. ya know who else is in Wisconsin? Fuckin' Vlad.

-Jazz is autistic, Although she passes for neurotypical in part due to symptoms being completely over looked in girls due to gender stereotyping and also the fact that she doesn't have any special interests that are considered " "too weird.""

- Her hyperfixation with psychology started at a young age in an effort to better understand people, and social/emotional cues and all that.

-Jazz is well liked at school but she's not popular or apart of any specific group or clique. She's very kind and compassionate to people, and just about everyone knows her, but you'd be hard pressed to find someone who actually Considered her a friend. Except maybe Spike.

-I'm gonna have to give spike his own Character ref at some point, but he's this scary looking goth kid that's been held back twice. He's actually super sweet, just really fuckin' quiet and anxious. Him and jazz kinda ended up gravitating towards each other. She might do most of the talking, but they look out for each other.

-its not like jazz doesn't try to socialize, but it's difficult and she's found it much easier and less stressful to just. Keep to herself and let her interactions with her peers stay shallow and superficial. Sure, it's lonely sometimes but it's better than constantly worrying about saying the wrong thing or making some other misstep.

-One of Jazz's other special interests is football, and it's not so much the players or the game as it is the strategy of it? Started out as one of those things you do to bond with your dad, and she ended up getting really into it.

-She absolutley winds up getting into stupidly intense discussions with Vlad about it, too, lmao.

-Her and Danny probably bonded over SBNation bc that shit has both sentient satellites and ridiculously complex football mechanics.

-She's completely oblivious to the fact, but Dash has a massive crush on her bc holy shit this girl understands football (hey bud your toxic masculinity is showing put that shit away)

-I mentioned that Danny was in Cheer for a bit in middle school so it makes sense that she'd also be pushed into doing some kind of extracurricular activity.....so.....she was in a martial arts class for a bit thanks to Maddie and has a good grasp on self defense.

I think that's everything? I feel like I'm leaving things out tho? Idk if I did I'll come back and add on to this later and also pls don't hesitate to ask questions bc it really helps me flesh things out better.

[frogsandfries]

Here's a truth conservatives and corporate bigtards should know

Major secret. Ground-breaking. Unparalleled,

If you pay your people, rather than dragging themselves to work because they literally cannot afford to miss a day, they'll show up cheerfully. They'll fucking stay!!

The ONLY thing(s?) keeping me at my job: I literally cannot afford to quit. I literally cannot afford to get a second job. I literally cannot afford to miss a single shift. Only getting thirty hours most weeks is hurting me. Only working four shifts even on occasional weeks hurts me.

And I don't even have to pay a real rent. My friend is hurting me by asking for two hundred a month, but I'm mostly angry about that because she's doing what I deem frivolous shit that causes her to need me to pitch in, which hurts me financially in getting my shit put together.

I'm frustrated and angry and I feel stuck. Every time I leave one situation to try desperately to get into a better situation, the new situation ends up being somehow progressively worse, and worse. I can't tell you how frustrated I am. I should've fucking stayed. I should've put my foot down. His parents were on MY side. I knew he wasn't going to continue communicating with me anyway, one way or another. I should've put my fucking foot down and said, no. I'm choosing money and I'm going to take your parents up on driving lessons and I'm going to get my fucking license here.

If I had to pay a real rent, three or five or seven hundred dollars a month, I would just entirely give up any hope of finishing my degree. But if I actually had to pay rent here in Wisconsin, I would just move straight back to Oregon. I'll fucking figure out how to get my license from there.

The more I have to think about how I feel pressure to go to work, not that I want to go to work because my paycheck will be amazing, the more pissed off I get. I used to enjoy going to work because I genuinely loved my job. I used to genuinely enjoy my customers. My checks were pretty awesome.

If I had the choice, I would only work weekends where I work now because that's where the money is. That would free me up for a second job, one that might actually fucking pay me. Y'know, during the week. I could stay at the company that promises that I'll move up the ranks with ample training, and go to a company that might just move me on merit.........

At the same time, I want to find something else because it's too stressful to get paid so little, even if the work is pretty easy. I miss being able to be in charge, be like, sure, I'll give you a deal on that item. I'm sorry about this or that, here's a deal for your trouble.

I'm sick and fucking goddamned tired of feeling like I'm running on a hamster wheel and I'll just never get off of it. Sure, this hamster wheel is bigger, but it's just as strangulating as the last one.

I can't outright quit this job. Even for one that pays better. Even for one that won't make a joke out of reaching management one way or another. I have to stay with it at least until I've stayed at least six months.

I have to find a way to squeeze more work hours into my week. Next week, I have Tuesday off. Maybe it's time to at least try looking for a second job. I have my eye on two places. One I haven't even bothered applying, but tonight, I'm going to apply and update my other application. This tight-ass, tight-fisted, anal-retentive bullshit is already old. It'd be cool to be like, yeah I have all this management training, but it'd be even cooler to say, yeah, I actually was a manager and I got paid for it.

I cannot just bounce every time something happens that I can't stand.

I can't just stay because my time is running short and I can't afford to be literally without a paycheck. I can't just stay because it's starting to look bad that I can't stay at a job. But I also actually cannot stay because I'm literally barely getting paid. I can, however, make strides toward taking on a second job. Otherwise, I'll probably just actually never get my license, nor a vehicle, because I'll just have no money at all from struggling to survive.

Once I score said second job, from there, I can suss out the finer details, when and where and how. But if it doesn't pay more per hour, it's not going to be worth it.

The point here is: If I was actually getting paid, I wouldn't be looking for a better paying job. I wouldn't be looking for a second job. But I think I've figured out why this company is moving south. They can pay their workers less if they move into tiny towns with fewer job opportunities. Not to mention, I bet a bunch of these states have garbageass minimum wages. Oh ha ha ha ha I'm making TWO WHOLE DOLLARS AND SIXTY CENTS MORE THAN MINIMUM WAGE SUCH GOOD MANY MONIES HA HA HA HA HA HA

I don't stay because it feels like a choice. I stay because it's a job. It's more consistent hours than I was getting. It pays better than the last place, for less responsibility, but it still pays less than my favorite recent employment.

The rules are painfully conservative. The dress code is ridiculous. It doesn't pay for all the demands that it makes. It's increasingly difficult to justify staying or putting all of my available working hours into this one place. Admittedly, part of this is that, going into this, I thought it would actually be better. My friend was getting paid more at her job. I was getting better hours at my job. I thought this meant that I could squirrel away that two hundred that I'm giving her each month, on top of the usually hundred bucks I stash away most paychecks. That is not what happened. I don't get to daydream about the job training I'll get after college, after I've proven I really can hold down a job and be worth the investment of fully training. I'm too busy trying desperately to grasp as many dollars as I possibly can before opportunities slip me by again. I'm just too stressed. I'm very sick. Seriously sick. And that illness is rooted in having to live in a cold climate, having absolutely no way to get even the clunkiest of junkers to drive to work, because I'm just not making money in the first place and I have to contribute in the household. I'm not making money because I can't fucking get to work. It's a beautiful cycle of entrapment. It's magnified by getting paid basically minimum wage. Barely getting paid at all.

So I'm physically stressed by chronic asthma inflammation. I'm emotionally stressed because my window to make progress is closing quickly. I'm emotionally stressed because I absolutely cannot afford to miss an hour of work. I'm emotionally stressed because I'm hardly getting paid and my window is closing. I know I set the goals high, but I can't stay in this state. My physical health cannot handle it. Honestly, I think I've been realizing, I wasn't going to stay when they didn't hire me into the management training, and when I realized the place I need to be is somewhere this company is not. They aren't paying me. I'm going to be trapped somewhere that is killing me to live. They are not contributing to me moving my life forward. This is a source of massive stress to me. Plus, they are kind of blocking me out from looking elsewhere, adding on a second job because they take up just a little too much of my time, but not enough to be worth it.

I'm going in circles. Like I have been since I stupidly moved back to this worthless state.

[frogsandfries]

Everything feels kinda off

I went to sleep well before ten last night, before my friend even got in from work. I'm not sure when he got in and I'm not sure when he went to sleep. I am sure that the entire morning, he kept talking in his sleep. I know it was in his sleep because it was only a couple of words at a time, and in nonsense combinations.

I woke up about 7:30 and felt like I'd barely sleep at all, even though I'm certain I slept like someone who hasn't been sleeping, in spite of small blips setting off my radar.

I think I might be stressed out about trying to get back to Wisconsin. I might be stressed about figuring out what to do for my long-term living situation. Or..... maybe I'm stressed about leaving him alone? It's only been two or three weeks, but he's already stopped brushing his hair.

I've got a game plan. I'm just concerned about it actually working. None of them have actually worked to date, and I'm not sure why. It shouldn't have been that hard for my dad to land me a working van and teach me how to drive out of that. My ex screwed me, and I trusted him to care about me and the future we could have together. He lied. He lied in a big way and it set me completely off my path.

I hate that it's necessary to pay someone to guarantee that I get such a ground-level skill. I believe that if things had worked differently, my friend would have helped me get my license, but I didn't know that this was how things were going to work.

I'm scared and nauseous at the thought of going back... I'm nervous about him taking in his sleep.

I ordered some translucent polyclay last night, as well as a floor bed. It should get here early next week, but that still leaves me my whole weekend doing either nothing, or to finish that embroidery and start something else. I'll probably just end up starting something else just to keep moving. I really want that translucent polyclay. It'll give my clay a bit of that structure that I trust from Sculpey, and give my colored polyclay a little bulk. Plus, translucent polyclay, translucent charms, look so vibrant. I wanted to make at least three copies of this charm that I want to start with, so I'll also need that bulk, because I already know the clay I have won't make it that far.

I could also continue crushing pastel. I like the idea of having the loose powder available, and it's coming out pretty finely ground with the pill crusher. The only downfall is that the process of scooping rough crushed pastel in a little at a time to re-crush it, is a little arduous and a little messy.

There's going to be a gem show in the area the next couple weeks, but there's no fucking way I could afford to go. I'm supposed to be saving money. Which is hard when I'm not making that much per hour and I'm not getting that many hours. But everything that I would save would be blown at a gem show. I would buy a bunch of stones to sculpt onto.

But I did get a good idea of what to do with those shells my sister sent me. Why not sculpt into them?

With any luck, I'll be back next year for that gem show, and I'll stock up. If they weren't valuable that way, they would make a cool thesis project. Or I could commission someone to make a custom pedestal that would make it difficult to steal them.

I would still love to make a pate de verre doll, but it would be interesting at best to get it to pose for display without shattering. It would have to have a flawless finish, especially on the joints. In theory, it would be easy enough to make the molds open-faced and park them in a kind of cottling box to keep them closed for the kiln. In practice, it might not be so easy.

I could probably make it to the bead and button show in Chicago before I go back to college. Maybe. Either way, I could definitely find something to clay onto.

[frogsandfries]

So I guess I'll take care of that

Tomorrow, when I more than likely go outside to do some stitching.

My brother's laptop is dead again and I don't feel like bothering him for the charger when I'm not positive when my check will deposit into my account anyway.

So there you have it folks, later this very morning......I will be buying my very own ticket out of Wisconsin, hopefully for good (with the exception of collecting my van and my possessions, and holidays).

Confession, I have only survived this week subsisting on the following collection of daydreams:

The raunchiest daydream is an outright fantasy of me liking this guy as much as my friend tells me this guy likes me and me having a very fun time getting to know a whole new state. I'm not going to go into detail.

The more tame daydreams are of the four of us becoming a family of six. Since my friend's girlfriend has chronic pain etc, I would obviously carry their baby after having my own, and maybe we would get a house all together. Maybe taking care of two kids is too much for her, so I drop to working part-time so I can help raise my own kid, and I finally start regularly selling my charms.

Conversely, I'm terrified that this guy won't like me at all, like even as a friend. I'm still honestly traumatized from the last three horrible roommate experiences (three out of four). Like, what am I doing wrong that 1) I was supposed to briefly more in with a person I thought was a friend and they let their mother with whom they supposedly had a bad relationship convince them to throw me out without explanation, 2) the dean of students himself thought I'd be a good fit for the whitest, most middle-class girls I've ever known, and 3) my own partner at the time apparently resented me after just a few months.

Honestly, the best roommate I've ever had was a couple years older than myself, married, and came from a similar situation to myself. She was really mellow and just wanted to focus on school.

Okay. So maybe this will work out. I'm not friends with my friend for no reason after all. We get each other's situation because we've both been here. We're both pretty mellow.

Another thing I'm terrified of is this side-hustle not working out. As far as my dad can figure, it should, but it still just sounds too good to be true.....

Anyway, in other news, I just ran out of shampoo today, so of course, I bought some more. As well as more pouches for thread. I forgot I had the one cactus pouch from my previous job, but hell, I keep buying thread like the apocalypse is tomorrow, so I'll probably need four handbags to put all my bobbins in.

That's probably a lot of what I'll do on the bus, wrap skeins onto bobbins. I have that one pack of overdyes (I hope I can afford at least one of the packs of metallics that I want), then those random overdyes from the local quilt shop, and still all of those Paon skeins, eight out of ten of the packs. I should buy, label and seal all of my clothes pins before I go.

The last time I took a Greyhound, it was only about seventeen hours.

I don't even know what I'm going to do on this fifty-something hour ride......I'm definitely going to be groggy from all the on-off activity. I don't think I have fifty hours of bobbining...maybe I should bring the DS....I'm also not sure if embroidery is going to be feasible. Am I going to want to spend most of the trip writing in a groggy haze?

Then, still, what if I get there and I have a horrible time finding work that I can stomach? What if I get there, and this guy hates me? What if he hates the way I cook or I'm too snobby about food or he doesn't like the way I want to prepare my food or he doesn't like how I do the dishes or what if I'm supposed to bring blankets and I don't, or what if it bothers him that I brought my French press and blender or what if I bring some charms and it's like I brought too much and I'm planning on getting comfy?

What if he just doesn't like me because.....I dunno something insignificant but huge, like..... my stance on abortion.

Or worse, what if we actually have chemistry, and we're living together and our mutual friend becomes the awkward third wheel? That'd be so mean.....

Honestly, it's hard to say. I mean, it's June. It'll be almost the end of the month before I leave one safety net for essentially another..... and I meant to be stable by May.....now......I have no way of knowing, but it sure would be nice if I could lock down a job that I can actually stomach for more than.... seven days.... or six weeks...... or three months (okay, I would've stayed at the three months job till I was in the van and on the road, but I wasn't going to keep working for them as a temp, losing a portion off the top of my wages to my agency; fuck that in the biggest way possible).

But I'm heading to a whole different state, in a region utterly unknown to me, with a completely new industry, meaning a whole new job market. Maybe this is for the best after all.

If not.......I dunno honestly. Things never work out like I imagine.......I have a wild imagination......